Potty Realism

I just realized I have come to a new place in parenthood:  the potty training no-judgment zone.  This zone is probably not new to many of you mamas, but I think there are some in the previous generation or maybe your friend across town, who are still in the "my kids were all potty-trained by two, no problems, so what's up with your little people" place.  These folks are well-meaning, and may even be telling the truth, but I'm willing to bet they have not had a challenging potty trainee or they are just leaving out the frustration.

When Monica was just over a year old, I remember talking to a friend about the potty training process.  She had decided that they were not going to set up a reward system with candy, stickers, or McDonalds' french fries.  Why reward a behavior that is not really a choice, i.e. people in our society are expected, from a social and hygenic standpoint, to eliminate in acceptable locations and receptacles.  Period. 

At the time, I thought, "Of course.  I'm just going to get this girl to go potty when I think it's time.  It's as simple as putting them on the potty every so often and,  by two-ish, she'll understand to eliminate there.  Who wants wet, soiled underwear, right?  Surely she'll learn quickly just because that's what we do; it's the routine."

That may work for some, maybe even many, kids.  But, I tell ya, some kids give you a rough go.  Some seem to hold on to dipes and purposeful pants pooping for years.  I've heard some theorize that this variation is due to parenting deficits and/or laziness.  While that is possible, let's not forget that you can't control you kid's bowels or their development in understanding urges.  Let's not forget that changes in the home can get in the way of maintaing and developing skills.  Let's not forget that taking too much responsibility for our kids' bodily functions can cause frustration or a false sense of pride. 

If you need to cut a hole in your kid's diaper and sit them on the toilet to poo, fine.  If you need to give out a jelly bean every once in a while to keep them interested in learning to use the john, what's the harm?  If you're willing the just wash out the messy underwear today because putting your kid on the potty every 30 minutes is exhausting, more power to you.

 And my friend who said there was no way she'd reward potty traning?  She has also reached the potty training no-judgment zone.  Kids will do that to you.  They keep you humble and honest.

Tried the Potty...Again

We tried the potty again. And, I have one word for you:

Yikes.

It was a rough few hours, my friends. We have some success but the fact that one normally sits on the toilet more than once a day seems to be more than Monica can bear. She totally wants to wear underwear, but does not want the responsibility of not wetting/pooping herself.

You can't have your cake and eat it too, Babe.

The morning of said potty escapade was really rough. By the end, we were both in tears. We did the whole "set the timer for 20-ish minutes then sit on the potty" thing, but every time she sat, she screamed like a banshee while flailing all limbs like helicopter blades. It was hazardous for everyone's health.

At the end of the three hour, one accident attempt, she was crumpled on the kitchen floor in underwear wailing "I'm sad! I miss my polka-dot diaper!"

Dude me too. Polka-dot diapers, here we come.

I think the issue is that she doesn't want to sit on the potty without eliminating, because that's frustrating and seems to be a waste of precious playing time. Indeed. However, if you want to sit minimal times per day, you have to read bodily cues. And for Monica, no reminders/forced potty sittings = accidents of all types. So, we're on another hiatus.

If the first few times you don't succeed, try, try some other time.

Birdie and Bubbles

Two weeks ago,Monica, James, and I were sitting on the driveway blowing bubbles when Monica found a little house finch near the garage. I think it was injured or ill, since most wild birds don't stick around long enough for anyone, especially unpredictable, fast-moving two year olds, to get this close.




I was proud of Monica. She followed my directions and did not touch the bird or scare it. She was also very generous in offering the finch a blow on her bubble wand. If she would always be that generous with James when he is interested in her toys...





Eventually, the finch did fly off to a nearby pine tree, although he didn't seem to have his bearings. I hope he ended up finding a safe place and recuperation from whatever ailed him.

"Eeeeeek!" and Other Happenings

Monica is just so two-and-a-half right now...in good ways and challenging ways. We're having a lot of fun doing projects together, like coloring, making birthday cards and baking bread. Like most toddlers, she's really curious and loves to touch and taste everything, as evidenced by the picture of her below, after she got into the whole wheat flour and decided to eat handfulls of it...weird. This time is also challenging because she is becoming a lot more verbally creative and also a lot more creative in her defiance. Yet, I'm frequently reminded that she still needs to mature in communication skills. We still experience some really cro magnon-like moments. Lately, in our house, when the going gets tough, the tough get screaming. Monica's been a shrieker since she was four months old, and we're going through one of those phases again. Whether she needs to transition out of playing with a toy, to eat, to sleep or just can't get her slippers on, there is often ear-piercing, blood-curdling screaming. We're working on directing her toward other frustration-outlets, but it is a process, and it seems pretty slow sometimes. Monica has also taken a lot more interest in James lately, probably because he has taken a lot more interest in her toys! He is still not crawling or scooting, so he can't do a whole lot to defend himself when she comes at him to take whatever he has, besides screaming and waving his arms. And he does a lot of that while Monica is putting him in one of her vice-grip hugs around his head or neck. (Another skill to work on: appropriate and gentle affection.) But just the other day, we were at the local hands-on museum and I realized how quickly she is growing and changing. The way she can run and jump and play now, compared to even just after James was born is amazingly more complex. I am so grateful and humbled to be a part of my children's lives, even in the tensest of shriek-laden moments.

Why do two year olds...

Finger paint with their food?

Spoon yogurt onto their eyelids?

Wipe their noses on furniture, clothing, and babies?

Get off the potty just to poo on the floor?


These are the mysteries of toddler-dom.

The Joys of Toddler-dom: Emerging Personality

One joy (and also a challenge to be honest) as of late has been Monica's emerging personality. She knows more of what she wants and knows how to get it! She is more willful, and better able to express likes and dislikes, needs and wants. She isn't talking a lot yet, but that little face is full of expressions. Even in the past couple weeks she has started making more faces to communicate what she is thinking and feeling. Sounds like someone else I know all too well...let's just say the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree. I wear my heart on my sleeve...or I guess, more accurately, I wear my heart on my face. I've never been a good liar nor adept at hiding what is really going on inside my head. It looks like our daughter is shaping up to be similar.

The Joys of Toddler-dom: Toddling!

Now that I have posted a few times about the perils or toddler-dom, I think it's only right that I post about some joys. Yes, toddlers are challenging and well, irritating sometimes, but they are also great for hugs and laughter. It seems like Monica went from infant to toddler overnight. I think the change really happened when she started walking. The toddling ability opened up a whole new world of possiblities, discoveries, and mischief.

I love that Monica can grip my finger in her fist as she walks next to me, and I love that she can run toward me for a big hug, and throw her arms around my neck. I'm not the biggest fan of the running away, but it comes with a territory. Now that Monica can really walk, she loves to play hide and seek (which is really easy since hiding around the corner brings peals of laughter) and just explore the outdoors, picking things up and saying "See! See!"



Yes, some things about life were logistically easier when Monica wasn't totally mobile, but this new milestone means more exploration, learning, and development, which is just what childhood is all about. Here's to you, Toddler!

The Perils of Toddler-dom: Infectious Diseases

In Monica's first year of life, she had one cold. Granted, she had her share of gastrointestinal stress and diaper rash, but infectious diseases were nearly nil. She even bypassed a case of hand-foot-mouth after an entire weekend of exposure. I was sure that I have a child with bionic immunity.

Was I ever wrong.

Not that Monica is constantly sick, or anything. She really is relatively healthy. It's just that she's now a toddler...who can toddle at the speed of light and put her mouth on anything she can get her hands on, which is everything 24 inches or less from the ground.

In the past 2+ months, she got a cold, which lasted for three weeks and resulted in an ear infection, three episodes of nasty cold sores (which we thought were impetigo for a while!), and roseola (which she passed on to some friends' kiddos. Sorry Erin!!!).

The Perils of Toddler-dom: Shoulda Seen That One Coming Part 2

Before you read this post, be sure you've read this one.

While I was glad to have Kevin home and not be alone anymore, I was not all that encouraged by the 3 Iron. Kevin tried to get it under the door in hopes of pushing the drawer closed, but the clearance between the bottom of the door and the threshold can't be more than two centimeters. So that idea was out. We decided to shine a flashlight under the door and saw Monica facedown on the floor screaming hysterically. As much as we tried to get her to close the drawer, I guess she wasn't in the place to follow any direction.

A few minutes later, we heard the firetruck pull up to the house and two firemen came to the door with a bag of tools. They also tried asking Monica to close the drawer, which was just as ineffective as before. At that point, I was pretty sure they were going to have to cut the door in some way. Before getting out the saw, they hauled out the crow bar to remove the door knob. After the door knob was off, we turned on the light and saw that it wasn't the bottom drawer that was open but the middle drawer, so there was no way that we could have been able to shove anything over the door to close the drawer. The middle drawer was open all the way so after a few hard shoves, the drawer popped out and the door finally opened, with Monica still facedown on the floor in hysterics.

I picked her up and held her close while the firemen packed up their gear. After a few hugs, she started to calm down. Other than being exhausted from the crying, she was fine. If you're in a situtation to call 911, I guess this was the situation to be in. All of Monica's teeth and limbs are in place and accounted for and no caustic chemicals were consumed. Thank God the situation wasn't more dangerous. I think we'll be taking potential hazards more seriously so they don't become more 911 calls in the future!

The Perils of Toddler-dom: Shoulda Seen That One Coming

Like most toddlers, Monica likes to pull open drawers and toss their contents about the room. During one of these episodes in the bathroom, Kevin remarked how if Monica went into the bathroom, closed the door and opened the drawer to ransack it, we wouldn't be able to get her out. "Hmmm," we thought. "We'll have to keep that in mind."

This afternoon, I was folding laundry and the house seemed all too quiet. I went looking for Monica and heard noises from the bathroom, which was dark and closed off. I called for Monica and tried to open the door, but it was blocked. Monica shut herself in the bathroom and I could not, for the life of me, get her out. She had fulfilled Kevin's prophecy. She had closed the door and opened the drawer to ransack it leaving me shut out of the bathroom and leaving her stuck in the dark screaming like a banshee.

She's at the point where she will sometimes follow simple directions like, "Get the ball," or "Shut the door." For a couple minutes I tried asking her to shut the drawer, but she just screamed and cried. It was dark in there and I'm sure she was scared. That's when I started to get scared. What if she was hurt? What if she got something in the drawer (lotion, soap, medication) and had eaten it? I called Kevin who suggested bending a coat hanger and putting it under the door to try and push the offending drawer closed. That didn't work and I started my own set of hysterics, so Kevin decided to drive home from work.

In the meantime, I called 911. A few minutes later, Kevin flew in the driveway, grabbed a 3 Iron from his golf bag and charged in the house.

To Be Continued...